Far Far Away
by Breathe From Your Hoo Hoo
Summary: Strange things happen in the magical land of Far Far Away....But what happens when Jeff's evil twin brother sneakily takes his place and attempts to kill all the Bohemians? Completely RANDOM!
1. The Witch of Cyberland

Once upon a time, far far away in a magical land, there was a magical café called the Life Café. And in that café sat a blue-eyed, pumpkin-headed albino freak named Mark Cohen. Across from him sat a frilly, glittery pink sock puppet named Glinda. The two of them just sat there, sipping magical fairy coffee and munching on magical fairy moon cakes.

And they were bored.

Mark sighed. "I'm bored".

Glinda sighed. "I'm bored too".

Frodo Baggins, who just magically appeared beside them (because this is a magical kingdom. Did I mention that?) gazed into space and sighed. "I can see the Shire! The Brandywine River! Bag End! The Lights in the Party Tree!"

Mark and Glinda looked at him strangely. _"What?"_ they asked him.

Frodo looked at both of them, his eyes animated. "I'm glad to be with you, Samwise Gamgee, here at the end of all things," he whispered, hugging Mark as he did so.

Mark blinked at him. Who was this short, stubby person with unusually hairy feet? And why was he hugging him? But he decided not to ruin the moment and instead patted Frodo's thick, curly jungle-hair and said, "Well I'm flattered, hairy-footed person, but my name is not Sam Wheat Gloogee or whatever the hell you just said it was." Glinda quickly took out the pink camera which she used in the fanfic "Dunno, Just Happens" (Go read it guys, it's a real hoot!) and started filming Frodo hugging Mark and drooling and Mark just sitting there awkwardly, not knowing what to do.

"_Um, I think his name is Frodo,"_ whispered Glinda to Mark.

"_Ok, great. I wish I could get him off of me,"_ Mark whispered back to her.

"Did someone say 'wish'?"

Mark and Glinda looked up to the sky to see a skinny, bald black man wearing a beautiful purple, sparkly ball gown and a sparkly tiara and carrying a long, sparkly fairy wand and descending onto the ground in a magical fairy bubble (because this is a magical land, please remember that). The two of them gasped as he walked towards them.

"Hello, I am Benny, the Witch of Cyberland, and I am here to grant your wish," said the black fairy. Mark, Glinda and Camera (who also magically appeared because this is a magical land, I'll tell you again) all gazed at this weirdly beautiful apparition, their mouths hanging open. Except for Camera, whose lens fell off her face. Benny smiled and shoved it back in for her.

"Do you wish to get rid of that?" said Benny, pointing to Frodo, who was still hugging Mark and drooling on his shoulder.

"This….will be….the end…of Gondor…….as we know it….Here….the hammer-stroke….will fall……hardest," mumbled Frodo, still drooling on Mark's shoulder.

Mark and Glinda both shook their heads. "He doesn't even know he's reciting Gandalf's line, the poor fool," murmured Glinda as she sipped her cup of steak-flavoured Diet Coke, which was actually fairy coffee but was magically transformed into Diet Coke (because this is a _magical fairy land_, I'll tell you again just for the hell of it).

Mark nodded. "Can you please get rid of him, Benny?" he asked.

Benny smiled. He then waved his magic wand and recited the magic words. _"Allouette, gentile allouette, Allouette, je te plumerais….."_

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, Captain Jack Sparrow emerged, wearing his full pirate outfit, sword, bottle of rum and the monkey Jack on his shoulder. "'Ello there, poppets! Did you miss me?" he gloated.

Benny dropped his wand on the floor in shock. "Oh my God! Jack! How did you get here? Oh no! My spell must have backfired!"

Captain Jack looked closely at Benny. "Sayyyy, aren't you the bloke I humped at the hospital?" he asked with a sly grin.

Benny blushed (even though you can't tell with his skin colour). "Oh my goodness!" he said, shocked out of his head. "I suppose I am."

Captain Jack took a swig of rum and grinned cheekily at him. "Well, let's continue then, shall we?" he said. Benny willingly agreed, because he couldn't resist Jack's sexy pirate charms. So he and Jack did it on the ground while poor Mark still sat there with Frodo still hugging him and drooling on his shoulder and Roger, who also magically appeared out of nowhere (because this is a magical fairy land, I don't think I made it quite clear enough) and started drooling on his other shoulder.

"Oh well, at least you're not humiliated in any form," said Mark to Glinda, who was suddenly being worn on Maureen's foot while Elsie licked the bottom of the sock (which was actually Glinda's head). Yep, that was totally not humiliating at all.

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Hey guys, just a totally crazy, random little thing. Hippy.intellect gets credit for the sock puppet, Elsie the Cow and the Easter Bunny, even though the Easter Bunny was nowhere in the story. If you want me to continue, please let me know, ok? Peace out! **–LOL-**


	2. Chicken and Potatoes

After 7 long, gruelling hours of getting Glinda the sock puppet away from Maureen's smelly, gangrene-covered foot and Elsie's slobbery tongue, Benny disappeared in his bubble and Mark, Roger, Frodo and the Easter Bunny took her back to the loft and threw her in the washing machine to get her nice and clean. (Beats me how they could afford a washing machine when they can't even pay rent, but whatever) But unfortunately, nobody knew that Roger had dumped his brand new green silk briefs in there that morning, and so poor Glinda came out of the machine looking green like an asparagus. Mark, Roger and Frodo all giggled at her.

"Shut up, all of you! It's not funny!" cried Glinda, pouting and putting her hands on her hips. (Hey, since when do sock puppets have hips, hippy.intellect? _–scratches head-_) Mark, Roger and Frodo were all laughing too hard to stop.

"Hey! You look like Elphaba!" blubbered Mark. Glinda pouted.

"No, you look like Elphaba's and Glinda's secret love-child!" blubbered Roger. Glinda pouted even more and glared at Roger.

"You swore! You swore on the precious! Smeagol promised!" blubbered Frodo, randomly yelling out one of his lines from The Lord of the Ring: The Two Towers. The other three stared strangely at him, shook their heads, and then went back to pouting or laughing or whatever it was they were doing earlier.

Suddenly the loft door burst open (even though it can only slide) and in walked a rubber chicken, carrying a raw potato. Roger yelped in fear and hid behind Frodo. The rubber chicken set the potato on the floor and glared at Roger.

"And where have you been, mister?" demanded the rubber chicken, pointing a wing at Roger. "You said that night that you would always be mine! Ever since that night, I've never seen you! I've been waiting 3 years, 7 months, 4 days, 10 hours and 5 minutes for you to call me! What the fuck happened?"

Mark stared at the rubber chicken, then at the raw potato, then at Roger, and asked, "Umm, Rog? Who is this……uh, _thing_, and what is it talking about?"

Roger trembled with fear and clung onto Frodo for dear life. "Oh this is Rob, a rubber chicken I had a one-night stand with at CBGB's three years ago, and I must have been really drunk and said all kinds of random things that night and now poor Rob has taken it all too much to heart." Rob, the rubber chicken, glared at Roger and shook his rubber wing again.

"I'll make sure you pay for what you've done, Mr. Wanna-be Rock-star! But first, I need to know something: where's Maureen? Her potato Jeff has been dying to see her," said Rob, pointing to the raw potato on the floor, who smiled awkwardly and waved at them.

Mark crinkled his forehead. "I dunno. Last I saw, she ran off down the street trying to catch her imaginary peanut buttered toast. If you really want her now, you can try opening that magic curtain," he said, pointing to a purple, sparkly velvet curtain with stars and moons on it hanging on the wall. Funny how the RENTheads never noticed that before when it was hanging right in the middle of the loft. Oh well. _–shrugs-_

Rob looked curiously at the curtain, then walked up to it and slowly pulled it back and **ZOOM! **In flew Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter, wearing khaki shorts and shirt (since that's all he ever seems to wear), his arms wrapped around a 20-foot long, deadly saltwater crocodile, a 40-foot long, deadly venomous taipan snake hanging off his back and 500 deadly scorpions coming out of his pockets. "CRIKEY! Look at the size of all these little beauties! WWHHOOAAAAA!" he yelled his unusually thick Australian drawl as he landed on the floor and started randomly wrestling with all these animals on the loft floor for no particular reason at all, while Glinda, Frodo, Mark, Roger and Jeff just stared at him in bewilderment. Steve looked at all of them and suddenly blushed in embarrassment.

"Oh, um guys? Is this the Great Barrier Reef?" he asked them.

The five Bohemians all blinked at him. "Umm, no it's not Steve," said Glinda/Elphaba/their secret love child. "This is the East Village in New York City."

Steve smiled awkwardly. "Ohh right-o! Sorry guys! Seeya later!" And with that, he gathered all his deadly Australian animals, and leapt out the window. Mark looked at Rob, his pale, albino cheeks blushing redder that a tomato with 10 coats of red paint on it, looking embarrassed.

"Ohh, um, sorry about that, Rob. You wanna try that again?" he asked.

Rob shuddered dramatically. "Oohhhh no. No way am I touching _that_ contraption again," he said.

Mark sighed. "Well, then you'll just have to wait for her to find her peanut-buttered toast and come back here."

Rob sighed and flopped on the couch. "Ok then," he said.

And so the rest of the Bohemians stayed where they were, Jeff on the floor, Roger still behind Frodo and Mark on the armchair, while they waited for the Drama Queen to make her usual dramatic entrance.

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Ok, just so you know, Jeff the potato belongs to hippy.intellect and Rob the rubber chicken belongs to me. And also, I dedicate this chapter to Steve Irwin, the legendary Crocodile Hunter, who was taken away from us on September 4, 2006, _way_ before his time. We'll miss ya, Steve-o. You are a true Australian icon. You've made us Aussies very proud. _–gives a two finger salute-_


	3. Peanut Buttered Cows

Maureen Johnson-Jefferson was having a very bad day today. Not, not because one of her hair curlers decided to get stuck in her hair while she was curling it that morning. Not because her ex-boyfriend Mark dumped her for a sock puppet named Glinda, even though she dumped him for a lawyer named Joanne at the same time. And not because George Bush had an affair with Osama Bin Laden's sister in his private office while campaigning to arrest Bin Laden himself, even though that has nothing to do with this story. It was because her imaginary peanut butter toast kept running further and further away from her down the street while she scrambled to get it. Frustrated, she lay down on the ground and cried.

"WWAAAHHHHH! I wish I had my peanut buttered toast!" she wailed.

"Did somebody say _wish_?"

Maureen looked up and saw a skinny, bald black man wearing a beautiful purple, sparkly ball gown, curly blond wig and a sparkly tiara and carrying a long, sparkly fairy wand and descending onto the ground in a magical fairy bubble (because this is a _magical land_, I've told ya once, I'll tell ya a thousand times). Maureen yawned as she watched him. Now really, who does that? Who comes down onto the ground in a giant fake bubble, wearing a 100-tonne ball gown and carrying a gigantic wand long enough to fit up some rich snob's ass? I mean, seriously. Who does that?

The man smiled widely at her. "Hello, I am Benny, the Witch of Cyberland, and I am here to-"

Maureen cut him off. "Yeah yeah, whatever. I don't care who the fuck you are. If you're really a witch, why don't you do something about that stupid dress? Because it doesn't match your shoes. And that wig looks so _fake_ on you. And why don't you wear some pink lipgloss instead of that pasty magenta lipstick? Honestly, you need like, a complete makeover," she scoffed, pulling out her mobile phone to call her dear friends, the Fab Five. (OMG, like, Kian would totally give him the best products and Carson would teach him how to _tdujz_ properly and Jai would teach him how to make like, perfect eye contact! WOOHOOO! _–shakes with excitement-_)

Benny trembled with fear. "Umm no, please, don't do that Maureen. I don't need those guys' help. They waxed my legs a few months ago and it was so painful, my skin started bleeding. Umm look, I'll just give you your peanut buttered toast back."

"Well good! Hurry up, because I CAN'T STAND THIS ANY LONGER!" yelled Maureen, crying and screaming and banging her fists on the ground like a 6-year-old spoilt, rich kid who wasn't given their own private bathtub, complete with Jacuzzi nozzles and solid gold rubber Laurel duckies. (This is a **shoutout!** _–giggles-_)

Benny closed his eyes, waved his magic wand and mumbled the magic words, "There once was a man from Nantucket…"

But no sooner after finishing that sentence did he realize he uttered the wrong words, and in a flash, Maureen disappeared into an orb of blue light. Benny gasped.

"Oh my goodness! What have I done? Oh dear, oh dearie me!" he blubbered and he picked up the Grimmerie and started frantically flipping through the pages for the right spell.

_Somewhere in the mountains of Wyoming (I think)…_

"JACK! Hurry up! I'm waiting for you, baby!"

"Yes yes, Ennis. I'm coming. Hold on," said Jack, who walked into the living room wearing nothing but his cowboy hat and gun holster.

Ennis, who was dressed like a horse, look and him and squealed like a girl, "OOHH Myyyy! Jack Nasty _indeed_! You gonna ride me, boy?"

Jack crinkled his forehead. "Yes, but why in the world are you wearing a dead horse carcass?" he asked.

"And why are you wearing your cowboy hat?" Ennis asked.

"And why are we in this story?" Jack asked, blinking. "This has got nothing to do with RENT. Apart from the fact that's it's about gayness, that is."

Ennis shrugged. "I dunno. Let's get down to business while the story shifts back to the East Village in New York," he said. Jack smiled wickedly at him, who smiled wickedly back at Jack, who smiled wickedly back at Alma, who smiled wickedly back at-

Hey! Now what the hell is Ennis' wife doing there? Hmm, beats me..…_-shrugs-_

_Meanwhile, back in the East Village…._

It was all very normal in the loft. Glinda was busy soaking herself in melted fairy floss to try and get her normal colour back. Roger got bored hiding behind Frodo and so started dancing on the coffee table with a lampshade over his head, singing, _"__This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing it forever just because this is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing it forever just because This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing it forever just because….."_

Um yeah. You get the picture.

And Rob the rubber chicken was teaching Frodo how to play Rock, Paper, Scissors while Mark tried to get to know Jeff, the potato that Maureen had an affair with behind his back (apart from Joanne, of course). Yup, just another normal day.

"So", said Mark, who sat on the couch across from Jeff. "How, uh….how did you and Maureen meet?"

"Well," said Jeff, sipping his peanut butter milkshake, which just magically appeared out of nowhere (because this is a magical fairy land, you better drill that into your head). "It all started just a few months ago, when Maureen walked into a restaurant called Food Town and ordered me. The nice thing was, there was a special that day: peanut butter in _everything_ on the menu, but she chose little ol' _me _instead. How sweet of her." He blushed and took another sip of his milkshake. (Umm, do potatoes blush, hippy? _–thinks-_) "I was just about to meet her when that dreaded cow walked in and ruined everything!" he said that last part angrily.

Mark nodded in understanding. Then, out of the abyss walked a cow, Elsie. I asked her if she had anything to drink, and she said, "I am forbidden to-"

Whoops! Sorry, got a little carried away there. _–blushes-_ Anyway, this cow named Elsie walked into the loft, and as soon as she saw Jeff, she glared at him with an angry glare (even thought that's what glare already means). The whole room froze and looked at her in fear. (Glinda, of course being the smartest Bohemian in the room, hid inside the blender.) Except for Roger, who was still on the table with the lampshade on his head, singing_, "This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing it forever just because…"_ and so on and so forth. Frodo gently tugged on his shirt and whispered, "To the harbour, Bilbo. The elves have accorded you a high honour; a place on the last ship to leave Middle Earth."

Roger got startled by Frodo's action and turned and fell **SMASH!** on the ground, yelling, _"Ouch!"_ He scrambled into a sitting position, took the lampshade off his head, saw Elsie glaring at Jeff, suddenly understood what was going on, and so adopted the same look of fear as everyone else. Jeff trembled under Elsie's glare.

"E-E-E-Elsie?" he stammered. "How n-n-nice to s-s-see you. How a-a-a-are you d-d-doing?"

"Oh _very_ happy," she sneered as she stomped her hoof on the ground, "after finding out that Maureen tried to replace _me_-" she pointed a hoof at him "-with **you!**" she bellowed angrily, steam coming out of her nostrils.

Jeff rolled himself up and glared right back at her. "Ohh come on, Elsie! Just because Maureen found me more attractive than she did you!"

Elsie glared harder at him, as more smoke came out of her nostrils. Then suddenly, to complicate matters further, a blue orb suddenly lit up the room and _POOF!_ There was Maureen, landing on the floor of the loft, looking dazed and confusedly at everybody. Suddenly her face went white.

"Elsie? Jeff?" she exclaimed, staring at the both of them. "What are you two doing here?"

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Stay tuned for more! Hippy.Intellect invented Jeff the potato, Elsie the cow and Osama Bin Laden's sister and I invented Rob the rubber chicken and George Bush. _–winks-_


	4. The Conspiracy of Potatoes

Snuffy the elephant was strolling in a beautiful Japanese garden one day, just enjoying himself and minding his own business when suddenly, he spotted a beautiful apple tree hanging in the distance. But when he squinted his eyes, he could see something pink hanging off it. What was it?

As he got closer and closer to the tree, he realised that it was a donut covered in pink cream! He smiled in total joy, for pink donuts were his most favourite food ever. He reached out his long, speckled, grey trunk, gently plucked the donut off the tree and held it close to examine it's pure sugary beauty. But suddenly, he got hit by a giant piece of flying cheese and before you can say "Fanny fucked a flaky French fairy", the donut flew out of his trunk and rolled down the hill. Poor Snuffy could only stare, with tears brimming in his giant purple eyes, as his beloved pink donut kept rolling……and rolling…….and rolling……and rolling…….until it disappeared out of sight.

Now I know what you guys must be thinking.

Did Snuffy ever retrieve his pink donut?

How did that pink donut even get on that tree in the first place?

And what the hell does any of this have to do with RENT and Far Far Away?

The answer to that last question is: Absolutely **nothing**. But it will make some sense later on. And so having said that, it's on with the story……..

* * *

Maureen blinked in shock as she stared at the scary sight that was before her. Her eyes scanned the entire loft, looking at Roger with a lampshade stuck under his neck, a short, smelly guy with curly locks and really hairy feet, Mark sitting frozen on the couch, his pale face looking even paler with fear (if that's even possible, humanely or otherwise), a really handsome-looking rubber chicken, (Glinda was nowhere in sight because she was hiding inside the blender), and her eyes came back to rest on her ex, Elsie the cow, and her unrequited love, Jeff the potato. She nervously swallowed the lump in her throat.

"Um, hi….Elsie," she mumbled. "It's…..very nice to see you again."

"Awww, how sweet," said Elsie sarcastically. "Wish I could say the same for you." Her giant cow-nostrils flared with every word.

Jeff decided to break the awkwardness by stepping in. "Umm, Maureen? Hi. It's me Jeff, but I guess you already knew that, didn't you? It's, uh…..it's great to finally meet you." he stuck out his long potato arm for Maureen to shake.

Maureen looked at the arm and then at him. She shook it hesitantly, but said, "You're not Jeff."

Jeff blinked. "I'm sorry? What do you mean?"

Maureen stared at him. "You are not Jeff. I know it, deep deep down in my womanly heart. You are _not_ the potato I ordered in Food Town. There's something not quite right about you." Her dark, poop-brown eyes analysed him suspiciously.

Jeff cocked his potato head uncomfortably and sweat began to trickle from his head. "What are you saying, Maureen dearest? Of course it's me." He gave her the widest smile he could muster up.

Everyone in the loft – that is, Mark, Roger, The Easter Bunny, Elsie, Brad Pitt, Rob, Frodo and Glinda (even though she was still in the blender) – tuned in to pay close attention to the drama that was unfolding before their very eyes.

Maureen got up and began to walk towards him. "My Jeff had a bright orange spot on his back. I don't think you have one."

Jeff began to tremble ever so slightly, but kept his composure. "But I _do_ have one, Mo-mo. Why don't you check?"

Maureen took a few tentative steps towards him, picked him up and examined his back. To her utmost surprise, she saw a bright orange spot his back, just like he said. Sighing, she put him down on the couch.

"Ok fine, so you do have an orange spot. Welcome home, Jeff," said Maureen with resignation. Jeff relaxed slightly and plopped himself in Maureen's lap and Maureen stroked his potato-ey skin, but something was still telling her that this was not Jeff. But because she had no other way of testing him, she decided to let it go for now.

Meanwhile, Mark got up and asked the room, "I feel like a nice, tall, cool beef jerkey milkshake, anyone else want one?"

Frodo answered for everyone, "We are hobbits of the Shire. Frodo Baggins is my name, and this is Samwise Gamgee" he said, nodding his head.

Mark muttered angrily. "For the love of flying cheese, my name is **not** Sam Wheat Gloogee!" Frodo just looked at him, his unblinking eyes blinking blankly like Homer Simpson's eyes every time he doesn't understand something (which is pretty much all the time). "Forget it, I'm making that milkshake whether anyone likes it or not. Have some or leave it, I don't care." So he went to the kitchen, took out some beef jerky, Dijon mustard, milk, ice cream and some crushed oregano, which happened to be in their fridge even though that had no money to even pay rent (because this is a magical fairy land, I'm sorry if I failed to mention that earlier), and placed them on the kitchen counter. He then dumped all the ingredients into the blender and shut the lid. But little did he know that Glinda, the love of his life and the smartest Bohemian in the East Village, was hiding inside the ancient appliance. Completely oblivious, he turned the switch of the blender on and set the speed to five……..

* * *

Oh my goodness! What happens to Glinda? What's the story behind Jeff? And did Snuffy get his donut back? Stay tuned! _–goes off to comfort Snuffy-_


	5. Secret Affair

Mark was just about to turn the power switch of the blender on when he heard a very faint scream. "HELP! GET ME OUTTA HERE! MARK! MARKIE! GET ME OUT!"

Mark suddenly froze and scanned the entire loft, looking for the source of that voice. No it couldn't have been Roger, or Frodo, or Maureen, or Jeff, or Brad Pitt or even himself. So that means it must be…….

"**GLINDA!**" he screamed when realisation hit his face (and knocked his glasses off in the process). He put them back on, shoved his hand right down to the bottom of the blender and freed Glinda from the beef jerky ingredients. Out she sprang from the blender, this time smelling like processed meat, Dijon mustard and ice cream but still happy that she was free from her confinement. But Mark, however, wasn't so lucky. While his hand was still in the blender, he accidentally switched on the main power switch, and well…….…….let's just say, without going into any gory details, that the beef jerky shake got some added flavour from Mark's pale albino skin, bits of his flesh, finger bones, blood and muscle all mixed into it. When he finally managed to wrestle his arm out, with the help of Elsie, his hand looked like it got eaten off by a riverful of piranhas.

"WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" cried Mark, as he cried gigantic rivers of tears and gestured towards his arm-less hand (or was it his hand-less arm?). Anyway, Glinda and Elsie tried their best to cal him down but nothing could lessen his distress. "I want my hand back! Please! _Give me my hand back!_"

Suddenly, beautiful fairy music filled the loft, followed by a soft, pink colour. Everyone turned towards the sound and all their jaws dropped to their floor (yes, I know sock puppets don't have jaws, but this is a magical fairy land, so she can have whatever the hell I want her to have) when they saw Kristin Chenoweth descending from the ceiling wearing a beautiful poofy pink wedding gown, arm-length matching gloves, a sparkly tiara, and carrying a long shiny wand while being supported by two giant wires hanging from her back. Mark couldn't believe his eyes.

"Ohh my goodness!" he exclaimed breathlessly. "Are you-

"Yes it's Kristin Chenoweth, you're musical fairy godmother," she said, smiling so hard her face looked like it was going to break. "And I am here to-

"HEYY! Back off, bitch! This is **my** gig!" yelled Benny, the witch of Cyberland, who suddenly floated in on his trademark bubble in his trademark sparkly purple gown, curly blond wig and sparkly purple tiara. He raised his mighty wig and used it to shove Kristin Chenoweth right out the window, where she fell out and landed into a garbage truck carrying dirty diaper bags. Benny smiled with satisfaction.

"Stupid blond little skank, thinks she can steal my job from me," he mumbled quietly to himself. Then he smiled his trademark plastic smile at everybody, who by this time were staring at him with really bored expressions because they thought the other blond witch was far more interesting to look at. "Now then, did you say you wanted your hand back?" he said to Mark, who nodded readily while trying to wipe his tears away with his other hand. Benny closed his eyes, waved his magic wand and uttered the magic words:

"I like big butts and I cannot lie, your otha' brothas can't deny, that when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist-"

Suddenly Mark's hand grew back…...…but it wasn't a human hand like he wanted. Instead he got a dog's paw; a Golden Labrador's to be exact; with four claws and that tiny one at the back of the leg, the one which no one really knows what the heck it's for. Mark stared at it confusedly, then at Benny, then shrugged his shoulders and decided that at least a dog's hand was better than a hand that looked like it got eaten up by a riverful of angry barracudas (or was it piranhas? I don't recall).

"Errrrr, thank you, Benny," he mumbled, and Benny smiled widely at him and disappeared back in his bubble. Mark took Glinda to the bathroom and helped her get clean. While Glinda sat in the bathtub covered in soap suds, and Mark washed her clean, their eyes met. Pale blue eyes connected with bright rainbow-coloured eyes. The connection still remained even while Mark wrung Glinda dry and put her to bed (even though it was still 6pm and therefore too early for bed). Glinda smiled shyly and patted the empty space next to her. Mark smiled back shyly and removed everything except for his yellow polka-dotted, full-bodied thermal underwear and got into bed with her. The two of them held hands and looked at each other.

Glinda spoke first. "I don't think I can keep this a secret any longer, Mark. I really can't handle it anymore."

Mark nodded. "I know. Neither can I. But I'm not yet ready to tell them all about our relationship."

"Well, _I_ am," said Glinda, pouting, with a little bit of hurt in her voice. "Why don't you think about what _I_ want for a change?"

Mark sighed and squeezed her hand. "Look, I love you Glinda. Really I do. But I'm just a little confused right now."

"Well, what on earth are you so confused about?"

"Well, for one, you're a sock puppet and I'm a human. And second, Maureen's going to be really uncomfortable when she finds out, even though she's married to Joanne and having an affair with Elsie at the same time. I'm sorry, I just don't know what to do," he whimpered.

Glinda gently patted his face with her socky hand. "_There_ there now, Pookie. If you want, we'll wait a little bit longer. But then after that, we have to make it known because I have had enough of this secrecy."

Mark smiled sadly. "Ok. Thank you Glinda."

Glinda smiled back. "I love you, Marky-buns."

Mark hugged her and kissed her. "I love you too, Glinda."

And so the two secret lovers consummated their relationship in Mark's bed, not realising that Camera was hiding in the corner of the room, filming everything, with a jealous anger burning in her eyes (or is it lens?). Little did they know how much she knew about their affair and just how furious she was……….

* * *

Oh dearie me. What are Mark and Glinda going to do about their relationship? What's Maureen gonna do? What's _Camera_ gonna do?

Well, I don't have a damn clue myself, but stay tuned to find out! _–giggles-_

Oh, and 10 points to anyome who can find references from the Ellen episode with Kristin Chenoweth, the Cold Case episode with Adam Pascal and a tiny snippet from the song "The Story of Chess" from the musical 'Chess'. _-winks-_


	6. Cameras & Pumpkins & Potatoes, Oh My!

"Camera? What in the name of peanut butter are _you_ doing here? I thought you were being recycled."

Camera suddenly spun around and faced Roger, who was looking at her questioningly (which I really can't see with that damn fabric over his face).

Camera shook her head. "Ohh, umm…uh….nothing, Roger. That was my half brother, Type Writer, who was being recycled. And why the hell are you wearing that damn lampshade over your head??" she asked, quickly trying to change the subject. She gulped guiltily.

Roger shrugged. "Because I got bored and so decided to dance on the coffee table with this lampshade over my head. Which was real fun, by the way." He suddenly narrowed his eyes and stared at her. "And did you just gulp guiltily?"

_My secret is out_, thought Camera helplessly. She quickly regained her composure and said, "Oh nooooooo, no no no of _course_ I didn't!! Why on Oz would you even think that??"

"Because that's what you did when you admitted to spelling Indiana Jones' name as Indie-Anna Jones, and I saw you do it just now."

"That wasn't me, Roger," said Camera indignantly. "That was done by hippy.intellect. After all, the story was told from _her_ POV," she said, crossing her rickety, camera-arms across her chest.

"No it wasn't!!" yelled Roger, stomping his foot on the ground. "It was from _your_ POV!! I know it!!

"No it wasn't!!" yelled Camera.

"Yes it was!!" yelled Roger.

"NO!!" yelled Camera again.

"YES!!" yelled Roger again.

"NO!!"

"YES!!"

"NO!!"

"YES!!"

"NO!!"

"YES!!"

"PUMPKIN!!" yelled Jack Sparrow, who suddenly randomly appeared into the room for no reason at all.

"POTATO!!" yelled his bottle of fresh rum (even though bottles don't usually speak), and then the two of them suddenly disappeared into thin air.

"PUMPKIN!!" yelled Camera.

"POTATO!!" yelled Roger.

"PUMPKIN!!"

"POTATO!!"

"PUMPKIN!!"

"POTATO!!"

"PUMPKIN!!"

"POTATO!!"

"PUMPKIN!!"

"POTATO!!"

"PUMP- Whoa, hang on. Potato??" questioned Camera questioningly.

"Pumpkin?" questioned Roger, raising an eyebrow and looking confused.

The two appliances stared at each other (whoops sorry, Roger is not an appliance), their foreheads crinkling, not knowing where the hell those words came from.

"What were we just arguing about?" asked Camera questioningly.

"Ummmm," Roger scratched his head thinkingly (which is _so_ a word –LOL-). "I think it was about……..what type of pie is tastier!!" he concluded, a neon pink light bulb suddenly appearing over his head and lighting up (because this is a _magical fairy land_, in case I didn't point that out earlier) . Obviously he wasn't lucky enough to be gifted with a very smart brain.

"Oh yeah, that's right," said Camera, as she reached out and switched off the light bulb. "PUMPKIN!!" she yelled, resuming their previous argument.

"POTATO!!" yelled Roger, still not remembering everything.

"PUMPKIN!!"

"POTATO!!"

"PUMPKIN!!"

"POTATO!!"

"PUMPKIN!!"

"POTATO!!"

And so, the two of them continued on and on and on with their nonsensical fight, which didn't make any sense because it was total nonsense.

Hey, isn't that interesting? Nonsense is sense that is not sense which it why it is called nonsense. I mean, if you break up the word, you've got **non** and **sense**. Put them together, and you've got: Nonsense. Therefore, sense that does _not_ make sense because it is _not_ sense, is therefore called nonsense!! Get it?? The opposite of sense is stuff that doesn't make sense so it becomes non-sense!! YIPPEEE!!! _–gives herself a PhD for her unusually intelligent analysis of such a simple, unappreciated and unnoticed word-_

Whoa, sorry, that was totally unexpected and random of me. I do apologize. Really, I do. _–gulps guiltily-_ And now, on with the story….

* * *

Meanwhile, while all this was happening in the mean (another word which I _might_ break down and analyse later), Glinda and Mark were lying in bed together, both completely naked and exhausted and spent but still exhilarated and high after their amazing sex. They lay in bed together, breathing heavily. They looked at each other, smiling widely.

"That…..was…..a…._mayzing_," Glinda managed to whisper.

"Yeah," whispered Mark. "Who knew I could fit myself into you so easily?"

"I _know_," whispered Glinda seductively. "I was kinda worried you'd be too big to fit into me. But I was _wrong_."

Mark smiled back seductively at her and pulled her close to him. "Yes you were. I just can't believe how good it felt….." he pulled Glinda closer and whispered into her ear "……to have my foot buried so deep inside you."

Glinda giggled. "I know!!! That was the best part!!" They two of them kissed long and hard, with a bit of tongue slipped in, when suddenly: there was a knock on the door. Even though a knock is the most common way for a visitor to alert the inhabitants of their presence, it still cause everyone in the loft to suddenly perk up.

"I wonder who it is," whispered Glinda.

"Me too," whispered Maureen, who heard Glinda, even though she was in the living room with Jeff. "Wonder if I should answer it……"

* * *

So...Who's at the door? Should Maureen answer it? 


	7. Care For A Finger Sandwich?

Everyone in the house – that is, Elsie, Jeff, Maureen, Roger, Camera, the Easter Bunny, Mark, Glinda and Frodo – all perked up when they heard the knock. Finally, the Easter Bunny got up, opened the door and in came an unusually pale guy with unusually pale skin, spiky, blond hair, glasses and a yellow suit with a pink tie.

Elsie blinked. "Who is this character?" she whispered to Frodo.

"No, it's not. It's not midday, yet. The days are growing darker," whispered Frodo back to her (yet another random line from his third movie, The Return of the King). The rest of the gang just stared at him.

"I'll tell you who I am!!!" said this new stranger. "I'm….._Anthony Rapp!!_ And I bring….._finger sandwiches!!!_" he gestured to the giant steel dish in his hand, that was loaded with thousands of delicious little sandwiches.

"Really?" said Jeff and Elsie in unison, both eyeballing the tray up close. Maureen stared at him suspiciously. Roger started playing a sad version of _Musetta's Waltz_. Frodo began dancing the Highland fling. Camera clicked a picture of him. Collins scratched his chin. (Whoa, now how did _he_ get here?)

"Yes indeedley!!!" said Anthony. He placed the tray on the coffee table and walked around the house, saying "By golly, this is a beautiful house!!!"

"Beautiful?? This place is a dump," said Roger, who played another sad version of _Musetta's Waltz_.

"Nooooo, oh no no no, I love it!!!" gushed Anthony. "You see, I am a crazy, crack-addicted, singing-and-dancing real estate agent and I _know_ a good house when I see one!!! Oh how I _love_ the flooring, and the curtains, and the walls, and the windows, and the lighting, and…." He continued rattling on and on about the beauty of this dilapidated house.

Elsie shook her head. "What is wrong with you, Mr. Rapp? We just told you that this house is-"

But Anthony didn't pay attention to her once he began describing the house.

"It's got a bedroom over here,

It's got two more up the stairs.

There's a bathroom on the first floor and another on the second.

The floors are solid oak, and the mouldings solid spruce, and the cabinets solid walnut, I have reckoned.

"The hinges on the door

Original brass from 1924

They hearken from a foundry in West Virginia

And the fireplace is a blast,

Burning wood or burning gas,

Nothing's more romantic in my opinia"

He turned around, raised his eyebrows and winked at Mark and Glinda, who had now stumbled out of the bedroom, fully dressed and staring confusifyingly at him. Mark blinked.

"Who the hell are you??" he asked. "And since when do we have a fireplace??"

Anthony smiled creepily at him and continued to dance around the house, while everyone stared at him like he was a crazy, crack-addicted, singing-and-dancing real estate agent (Which I think he was).

"And the living room's quite splendid

All the colors niceley blended

The bay windows facing south,

Of that I'm certain

A view of the front yard,

But of course right now it's marred,

Here, let me push back these lovely curtains!"

"For God's sake, what the hell are you trying to tell us, Anthony??" yelled Maureen, who by now was getting very annoyed at this crazy, crack-addicted, singing-and-dancing real estate agent and his stupid antics.

"I'll tell you!!" he said, gesturing dramatically with his hands. "This house iiissss……

"Fantabulous, Fantabulous!

This house is near miraculous

A gloririffic edifice,

Fantaburifficous!!!!!

On this point, I place the emphasis

You're the first ones here, now that's a plus

The decision is quite obvious,

This house is fantabulous!"

"What the fuck does _fantabulous_ even mean??" asked Glinda angrily, sitting next to Camera so that no one would suspect her secret affair with Mark.

"Nothing. That word doesn't even _exist_," said Maureen, eating a finger sandwich. "This is why I keep telling you guys: never trust a crazy, crack-addicted, singing-and-dancing real estate agent, especially one wearing a yellow suit and a pink tie."

Finishing the finger sandwiches, the whole gang turned to stare at Anthony, who was still dancing and singing crazily while singing "_Fantabulous, Fantabulous! This house is near miraculous, a gloririffic edifice……_" over and over and over again. Finally, Roger couldn't take it anymore and so got up, picked up his guitar and slugged Anthony in the head with it.

"_This house is fantaaaaa_ – OOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!" was the last this heard from him before he passed out cold on the floor. Mark suddenly cried out in despair.

"NOOOO!!! Roger!! What did you do?!?" he cried, running to Anthony's side. "Anthony!! Please wake up!! Please!!" he yelled, hugging his head close.

"HEEYYY!!!" yelled Glinda, suddenly forgetting their affair was meant to be secret. "You're only allowed to do that for _me_!!" she screamed in a jealous rage.

Suddenly, there was another knock on the door. This time, Maureen got up to open it. Lo and Behold! There stood another potato **identical** to Jeff. When he saw Jeff, he pointed a finger at him in rage.

"Who are you, strange potato?" he bellowed.

Maureen looked at him, then at the newcomer. "Um, that's Jeff, my pet potato. and who are you?"

The new potato scowled. "That's not Jeff! _I'm_ Jeff! That's my evil twin brother Jordan!!" he yelled, pointing to Jeff again.

The whole gang stared at Jeff, then at the new potato, then at Jeff, then at Austin Powers who just randomly popped into the room, then at Jeff, then finally at the new potato. Who was the real Jeff??

* * *

Mmmmmm, the plot thickens. Oh, and sorry if this chapter isn't funny enough. My creative river has been a little blocked today. The song is "Fantabulous" from the movie Open House. And Jordan was created by hippy.intellect. 


	8. Will The Real Jeff Please Stand Up?

"Don't listen to him!!" cried Jeff, who was now sitting on Frodo's shoulder and hiding in his thick curls. "**I'm** Jeff!!"

"No, he's lying!!" yelled the new potato. "**I'm** Jeff!! He's Jordan!!"

"No, I'm Jeff!!" yelled Jeff again.

"No, I'm Jeff!!" yelled the new potato again.

"No, I'm Jeff!!"

"No, I'm Jeff!!"

"No, I'm Jeff!!"

"No, I'm Jeff!!"

"No, I'm Jeff!!"

"No, I'm Jeff!!"

"No, I'm Jeff!!"

"No, I'm Jeff!!"

"Your mother got eaten by a blender!!" yelled Jeff cruelly, pointing a long, potato arm at the new potato.

"Umm, I think we have the same mother, dumbass," said the new potato, looking strangely at him.

"Oh right, so we do" said Jeff, blushing and scratching his head. "_Dammit_."

Meanwhile, the rest of the gang – that is, Elsie, Frodo, Jeff, Maureen, Brad Pitt, Roger, Camera, the Easter Bunny, Mark and Glinda – just stared from one potato to another, their heads going from side to side like they were watching a ping-pong game.

"Ohh goodness!! How are we supposed to know who the real Jeff is?" whined Glinda.

"How are we supposed to know who Jordan is?" whined Roger.

"How are we supposed to figure out what to do about Jordan?" whined Maureen.

"How am I supposed to find my mojo?" whined Austin Powers, who was dressed in a 60's psychedelic pink-and-green suit with a frilly shirt.

"Umm, Austin? I think Dr. Evil has it," said Elsie to him.

"Oh right!! Groovy baby, yeah!! Thanks darling!!" he said as he made his way to the window. But before leaving, he turned around, flashed a crazy, lopsided grin at Elsie and said, "But before I go, I'd like to ask you one thing. Do I make you horny, baby? Huh? Do I make you randy?"

Elsie made a loud, gagging moo. "Ewwww, no way!!! Get outta here, you crazy, British, ugly James Bond rip-off!!" she yelled, kicking his ass with her hoof and sending him flying out the window and landing into a truck full of spicy Mexican food.

Everyone turned back to look at the two potatoes, who now looked like they wanted to kill each other.

'What are we going to do??" wailed Joanne, who just randomly popped into the room for no reason.

"Only one way to find out," said Rob the rubber chicken, who suddenly joined the gang.

"Hey Rob? Where were you during the last chapter? I didn't see you all this while," asked Glinda, her pink forehead crinkling.

Rob blushed as much as a chicken could blush. "Umm, oh…..uh…nothing. I was just….uhhh…in…in the bathroom!! Yeah that's it!!" he added, putting on a fake smile.

"I see. That would explain your wet hand and the magazine with pictures of plucked chickens in it," said Mark, pointing to the magazine in Rob's hand with said pictures of plucked chickens in it. Rob blushed furiously, chucked the magazine under Mark's bed and ran to the living room.

"Um yeah, Rob, you said you knew what to do," said Maureen, eager to find the real Jeff.

"Oh yes. Yes, of course," said Rob. "You need to check them for the orange spot, of course."

But this did not work, as both potatoes had the same orange spot on their backs.

"This is all a trick!!" exclaimed Maureen.

"Not to worry!! I'll find out for you!!" said Anthony Rapp, who suddenly randomly came out of his coma and got up. He picked up the new potato and scratched at the orange spot, but it refused to move. Then he picked up Jeff, scratched the spot at lo and behold! It began to peel off!! Triumphant, he held the new potato up for all to see.

"This is Jordan!! _That_ potato is the real Jeff!!" he declared, pointing to the potato hiding behind Frodo's hair, as a giant parade suddenly came out of nowhere and started playing a special fanfare just for him as people in the streets cheered wildly. (Because this is a magical fairy land. Why couldn't you tell me that I failed to mention that earlier?)

But unfortunately, his moment of glory was cut short when Jordan pulled out a ray gun and shot Anthony, who toppled onto the floor again. Jordan laughed maniacally as he watched Mark wail in misery while he hugged Anthony's body close to him and demanded him to wake up.

"You lied to me!!" growled Rob, who picked up a saucepan to hit Jordan with.

"But you fell for it, didn't you??" gloated Jordan, who shot Rob with the ray gun, turning him into a hot, barbecued chicken.

The whole gang gasped. Glinda screamed. Maureen gagged. Roger's mouth watered. Joanne farted. Mark's glasses fogged up. The Easter Bunny juggled Easter eggs. Anthony started making more finger sandwiches. Elsie mooed. Frodo hid behind Elsie. Camera disappeared into the bathroom. What were they going to do now???

* * *

Ohh dearie me!! What are they gonna do now?? Just so you know, Jordan was created by hippy.intellect –_mwah mwah-_


	9. Gary, The Potato Slayer

The whole gang froze, too scared and shocked at what they had just seen. Who was going to be brave and valiant and strong enough to defeat the evil Jordan?

Elsie the cow, suddenly randomly feeling a sudden random rush of bravery, valiantness and strength, picked up a wooden chair and knocked Jordan in the head with it. But unfortunately, the chair broke simply into a thousand smithereens. Jordan grinned evilly at her, and cackled loudly and evilly as he flew out of the loft window in his private potato jet and landed onto the street, where he began to grow larger………and larger………and larger…………and larger……….until he was as big as Godzilla's turd. The whole gang gasped, their eyes falling right out their heads.

"Oh my dear!! Whatever are we going to do??" wailed Joanne, crying and pulling at her long, blonde hair.

"YOU ARE POWERLESS AGAINST ME!!!!!" Jordan's voice boomed across the whole of New York City. Strangely enough, none of the other New Yorkers even bothered to notice him as they went about their daily lives. But it didn't matter to Jordan, who was only concerned in scaring the Bohemians to death. "NOBODY CAN SAVE YOU NOW!! EVEN **YOU** CANNOT SAVE YYYOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU!!!!!" he boomed, not making much sense with his bad grammar skills, but anyway.

"We better think, guys. Think hard," mumbled Roger, who started munching on a finger sandwich.

"If you ask it of me, I will give you the One Ring," mumbled Frodo in response, while munching on another finger sandwich. The others also started formulating their own little plans while sitting and eating the finger sandwiches.

"I've got it!!!" said Maureen. "We could boil him in a giant frying pan!!"

"Oh, come on Maureen!! What a stupid idea!!" snapped Mark, chewing on an extra beefy finger sandwich. "Who the hell uses a frying pan for boiling??" He shook his head exasperatedly.

Camera was the next to speak. "Or how about this??" she piped in, chewing on a blue ink and metal finger sandwich. "We can buy the biggest pumpkins from the Food Emporium and make the deadliest pumpkin poison known to mankind!!! Or better yet, we can just order the pumpkin and peanut butter soup from Food Town!! It works like poison anyway!!" She squealed at her own bright idea.

"Camera, if you dare mention pumpkins once again, I'll **punch your lens in!!**" growled Roger, a scowl spreading over his sexy, smooth-shaved face that was full of sexy stubble.

"Or, why don't we put a double sink in the kitchen??" said Anthony Rapp, who was still the crazy, crack-addicted, singing and dancing real estate agent. (Did I mention that??)

This really pissed Roger off. "Oh for God's sake, Anthony!! We're talking about evil Jordan!! Get with the fucking **program**!!!" This made Anthony pout and sulk quietly in the corner. Mark, behind Glinda's back, secretly comforted Anthony while glaring butter knives at Roger's back.

"Oh my goodness, _we're doomed!!!" _wailed Joanne again, her wavy, red hair in untidy knots.

Glinda suddenly stood up, also gripped by the sudden, random feeling of bravery, valiantness and strength, stood in the window sill, shook her little pink, socky fist and yelled with all her anger. "Just you wait!!! We'll defeat you Jordan!! We're not afraid of you!!!" Jordan just laughed maniacally at her puniness and pathetic attempt at sounding threatening. "Just you wait, you big, mean ol' bully!! We're gonna get you and kill you!!! We're gonna make you – "

But alas, she never got to finish her sentence because Jordan was suddenly zapped from behind by what look like a beam from a laser gun. He wailed and wailed as much as a potato that was being zapped by a beam from a laser gun could wail. And suddenly, right before their very eyes, the last thing heard from Jordan was a loud, resounding "_NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" _before he suddenly turned into a giant, hot, steaming pile of mashed potatoes.

The whole gang was shocked. But what shocked them more was the tiny little green and red figure that killed the biggest and most evil monster in human (and potato) history, and then went "WHOOOTT!!" in the loudest tiny voice ever manageable. (Which really does make sense)

"Oh, merciful heavens," exclaimed Joanne, her shiny, black hair clinging to her face. "Who on earth are _you_???"

The little figure looked up at them. "I'm a gummi worm," he replied simply. "My name's Gary."

* * *

And that's that chapter!!! BTW, the gummi worm was created by hippy.intellect and silverydarkness. I swear, she comes up with the most interesting characters. _–giggles-_


	10. You Cheated On Me!

"So, Gary," said Mark once they let Gary the gummy worm into the loft and offered him peanut buttered tea and some peanut butter and beef cookies. "How've you been since all our crazy weddings to random inanimate objects?"

"_Hey!!!_ Who you callin' inanimate?!?" yelled Camera, smacking Mark in the back of his head. Mark apologised to her.

"Oh, I've been good," said Gary, sitting on the single couch and sipping his tea while he and Joanne exchanged uncomfortable looks. "I was pretty shaken up when Joanne promised to eat me after she married me and then she didn't, but ever since I took up this job as a potato slayer, I've been really happy."

"That's exactly what I was going to ask you: Weren't you supposed to be eaten?" asked Glinda, who sat on Mark's lap.

Gary nodded and sighed. "Oh well. Maybe the next special person might do that," he mumbled.

And so, all the Bohemians sat down and enjoyed a hearty lunch of mashed potatoes with hot butter and peanut buttered gravy. While they were all sitting at the table and eating, Mark glanced nervously at Roger. Roger glanced nervously back at him. When everybody was busy clearing the table at the end of the meal, Mark looked at Roger and nodded towards the bathroom. Roger nodded, and so went there. Five minutes later, Mark joined him.

"I can't take this much longer, Roger," said Mark as he locked the bathroom door behind him. "I've been lying to Glinda telling her I love her when really, it's _you_ I love."

"I understand, Mark," said Roger, clasping Mark's hands in his (Well, Mark's one hand and one dog paw). "I'm sure she'll understand. But tell me, do you really love me?" he said, smiling widely.

Mark nodded and smiled widely. "Yes Roggy, I do. I even wrote you a haiku! It goes like this:

Oh Roger Davis,

You are the fire in my heart,

I've always loved you.

See? What does _that_ tell you?" asked the bespectacled albino dude, smiling widely at him. Suddenly, the birds sang and a random orchestra started playing romantic music from _Swan Lake_ with a whole chorus of pink bunnies in white tutus started dancing to the music while Mark recited his haiku.

"Well, it sounds like you're comparing me to heartburn," said Roger, ruining the moment coz you know, Roger is dumb like that. "Which I think I might have right now. Did you notice anything funny in those mashed potatoes?" he said, suddenly grabbing his chest.

"Roger!! Come on, be serious!!! Did you like my haiku??" whined Mark like a 10-year-old spoilt girl. I mean, come on!! That haiku was hard!! It needs five syllables on the first line, seven on the second, and then five again on the third. Hippy.intellect's was really good in her story because obviously, she studied a haiku degree in Shiz-Bang University and even got a Ph.D in it too. But of course, Roger is way too dumb to understand something like that.

"Oh yes I did, Marky. It was so beautiful," said the stupid rock star. Mark smiled at him, and he smiled back. "But not as much as I love you." And with that, the two secret lovers shared a lovely, romantic little kiss in the bathroom. Mark shoved Roger against the wall and proceeded to open his pants and gave him a blowjob. Roger moaned in excitement of what was coming next. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.

"Mark?? Bubby, are you okay?" said a concerned Glinda through the door.

Mark's face suddenly paled because you know, Mark's face just isn't pale enough. Maybe he has that Vitilago disease that Michael Jackson claims to have. "Ohh yes, um..….._baby_. I'm fine. It's just Roger here, who's feeling a little sick so I'm just helping him," he mumbled, hoping Glinda would believe him.

The little pink footwear gasped. "Oh dear!! I'm coming in to help him, Marky!!" she said as she proceeded to open the door.

"Glinda, no!! Don't!!" yelled mark, but it was too late. Glinda flung the dor open and her face went white with shock when she saw her boyfriend on his knees in front of his best friend, who was now pantless, and in the process of giving him a blowjob. Then suddenly, her face went red with anger when she saw her boyfriend on his knees in front of his best friend, who was now pantless, and in the process of giving him a blowjob. And then suddenly, her face went blue with sadness when she saw her boyfriend on his knees in front of his best friend, who was now pantless, and in the process of giving him a blowjob. She started crying tears of strawberry milk.

"I can't believe you did this to me, Mark!!" she yelled through her tears.

"I can't believe you changed colour three times," said Mark, coz you know, Mark is smart like that.

"Yeah, I can't believe the same thing either," said Roger coz we all know, Roger is dumb like that.

Glinda wailed even louder, and the whole household- that is, Maureen, Joanne, Gary, Jack Sparrow, Anthony, Rob (who was now a real, barbecued chicken), Elsie, The Easter Bunny, Jeff and Camera – came to comfort her. Elsie glared at them.

"How could you hurt Glinda like this?" she demanded, hot steam coming out of her nostrils.

"YEEAAHHH!!!!" bellowed Jeff. Everyone else agreed and continued booing them and throwing the remainder of the mashed potato at them. Poor Mark and Roger had nowhere to run and so just stood there, covered in mashed potatoes from head to toe.

"I wish you get punished for cheating on me!!" Glinda yelled to Mark. Suddenly, beautiful fairy magic was heard and there came Benny, in his sparkly purple gown, curly blonde wig and giant wand, descending in his sparkly bubble, with his usual gigantic smile plastered across his face.

"Did somebody say wish??" he asked in his lilting, fairy voice.Then his eyes fell on Gary.

"Hey!! Aren't you supposed to be eaten??" he asked the little green and red confectionary.

Gary shook his head and grinned. "It's a looooooooooong story, dude," he mumbled coolly.

Glinda wiped furiously at her eyes. "I want you to punish him for cheating on me!!" she yelled, pointing to Mark, who was trying to wipe the mashed potato off him.

"Certainly," said Benny, who lifted up his magic wand and began reciting the magic words: _"She bangs, she bangs!! Oh baby, she moves, she moves!! I go crazy, coz she looks like a flower but she stings like a bee……."_ And in a flash, before you could say…..….well, something really fast and tongue-twisting, Mark suddenly disappeared in a flash of yellow onions. Roger gasped.

"Benny!!! How could you do this to me?? I want my Mark!!!!" he yelled, hugging the table leg and crying for his love. "MMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRKKKK!!!!!!" he cried as giant tears rolled down his face.

"Say, where did Mark go?" asked Maureen.

"Oh, he's in Africa. Morocco, to be exact," said Benny with a lilting laugh. Then suddenly he disappeared into his bubble in a puff of orange smoke.

Glinda turned to Anthony and said, "You know, I really liked you ever since you walked into the flat." She blushed bright pink and smiled shyly. "Do you like me too?"

Anthony smiled widely at her as he made more finger sandwiches. "Why, I certainly do!! Why don't I find the prefect two-storey Spanish colonial for both of us??" he asked in his typical, crazy, crack-addicted, real-estate agent style.

Glinda giggled. "Ohh, that would be just lovely!!!" she gurgled. And so, the two of them linked arms and walked out of the loft together. The rest of the Bohemians looked at the, and then at each other.

"Well, all's well that end's well, I guess," said Elsie, sighing happily.

"Yeah," said the other Bohemians.

"WHOOT!!" yelled Gary the gummy worm. The others all laughed at him and sat down for a lovely little game of Strip Monopoly. Yup, everyone was happy. Well, except for Roger, who was still clutching the table leg and crying for his love, Mark, who was now in Morocco doing God knows what.

"Oh my Mark. My sweet, lovable, really _really_ pale, adorable Mark. Will I ever see him again??" he moaned to himself through his tears.

But that, my friends, is another story…………_-thunder and lightning noises in the background-_

**LE END!!!**

* * *

And that's that, people!!! Stay tuned for a possible sequel coming up!!!! Oh, and some of the ideas in the story were from hippy.intellect. Can we hear a _whoop whoop_ for her?? 

_-hears nothing but chickets chirping and the floor creaking-_

No?? Fine then, be that way. _–pouts-_


End file.
